Stab, Twist, Release

In Attendance but Incapacitated

2010-12-06T14:04:00.004+08:00

Didn't sleep last night because of an assignment... or rather, my amazing ability to do nothing until 12 hours before deadline. At least I finished my work this time.

"Steel is steel."

Listening to - Yesterday to Tomorrow, Audioslave.

I, The Living

2010-12-03T21:54:00.003+08:00

As of today, I have been on a vegetarian diet for nineteen days. I started because I felt like it and now that I'm already in it this long, it seems a bit of a waste to let it go.

So far, nothing in my physical appearance has changed. Which is good. Either way, it doesn't matter because it's not the point.

My watch is smiling at me now, telling me I've been on my ass doing almost nothing in Spinelli for four and a half hours. It's mocking me, I know. Which is why I "accidentally" scratch it sometimes. It's right, however, about me having to leave soon. The store's starting to close.

"Consume Promptly"

Listening to - Nineteen, Tegan & Sara.

What Rushes Into My Heart and My Skull.

2010-10-04T13:59:00.004+08:00

The dreams I've been having of late have spurnned something dangerous in me again. It's a bug, a disease, an imbalance in my thought equation and it's compromising what I've built up and set out to do since a few months ago.

I haven't dreamt like this for a while now and that had left me rather stable, emotionally(somewhat). I could think straight then and my desires, wants, were thought out and meant for my benefit. I could wake up and do what I wanted to do without feeling like I wanted something else. Now, my mind keeps jumping to irrational wants whenever I don't have a hold of it and I wake up from my dreams feeling deep discontent. The thing is that I don't know the reason for it and then I am left bemused.

Whatever it is, this disease of discontent, I hope it doesn't get to me too much. I think there are some loose ends I have to tie to make sure of that.

"3 seconds too late"

Listening to - Feel It in My Bones, Tiesto feat. Tegan & Sara.

Okay... ummm

2010-09-30T06:36:00.002+08:00

Almost got hit by a red-light running vehicle yesterday. I didn't freak out as much this time. The first two times it happened I remember getting really pissed. haha :D

Anyway, I haven't posted here in more than a month and it's kinda ironic cause of what I said in that last post - kinda. heh - but you see, I'd suddenly felt that what I was doing was sounding very self-absorbed. So, I stopped posting on my blog for a while to remind myself - or give myself a new reason - why I keep a blog.

I have no idea why I'm explaining myself because I don't think anyone minds my being absent. I mean, honestly, who the hell reads blogs written by guys? I certainly don't, not unless they're friends'. And especially not if it's badly written narcissistic bullcrap.

And so, with this abrupt ending I bid you adieu.

"NEGATIVE EXCREMENT, SHERLOCK!"

Listening to - Prelude 12/21, A.F.I.

Happy Anniversary

2010-08-14T00:55:00.003+08:00

As of a few days ago, I have been blogging quite regularly for a year. I don't think my writing has gotten better since but I like the fact that I've managed to hold on to a practice for this long.

You see, I find it hard to commit to things and this blog is solid, albeit somewhat intangible, proof that I can work through that - uh - problem.

This place where I can order and assort my thoughts has been quite helpful this past year.

"Cause and effect, my love."

Listening to - Medicate, A.F.I.

What's Eating You?

2010-08-10T20:55:00.002+08:00

A scratched van.

"Shattered or not shattered, I'll never shed it."

Listening to -

I Need a Change of Skin

2010-08-02T12:36:00.004+08:00

"Run!" I've always said, "Run and never look back."
Through coarse roads and pitfalls, I've always ran.
Always proud of my swift footwork, forever avoiding obstacles.
And with this I attained a sense of peace which I was pleased with.

Was pleased with.

Now, it seems, is a time for a little chaos;
something to busy myself with.
No more will I side-step; I will trample.
My down cast eyes will elevate and stare down brick walls until they crumble into red sand.
The sky will blush and burn, and against that scarlet skyline,
exaggerated images of my wrath will be imprinted upon every stone and glass building.
And in the end, it will be I that stands atop the ruins of my own making, with a mirthless smirk of ill-defined defiance.

But first, I must finish my coffee.

"Out there, so quickly, grows malignant tribes."

Listening to - A.F.I, Where we used to play.

Let's See...

2010-06-27T00:07:00.006+08:00

The travelers with their stomachs full leaned on the door frame of the safe house balcony.
They stared up at the un-scraped sky while exhaling hues of grey that swirled and streamed with the spicy-sweet scent of cloves.Silence stood between the two until the younger one, overwhelmed by the profoundness of said sky, cried,
"There is a God."

"Once a martyr, always a martyr."

Listening to -

Before I Leave

2010-06-19T02:32:00.004+08:00

I'm a nervous wreck most of the time I'm outside. I think I've always been like that. Only for the past year or so I've been letting it bother me. Now, I don't actually like going out. It's just too tedious for me to get off my ass and displace. Haha.

I'd only do it all if it was worth it and some people are.

"Will acceptance negate fear?"

Listening to - 15, Marilyn Manson.

No Proper Title

2010-06-11T02:05:00.004+08:00

With pride gone I find it harder to speak and to write. I feel as if there is nothing to show and less to share with words. I wonder how such crushing forces can come from mere irrationality.

Agh, I should stop talking... Irrationality is saying I should be ashamed for even attempting to write, adding depth to my usual hollow self and making it harder to write. Yet I still am.

I wish I could just not care and say..

..whatever.

In Every Star

2010-06-01T18:22:00.004+08:00

The vocal melodies and the bass line reminds me of something. It feels familiar but I can't seem to place it.

And, oh, it feels perfectly lovely.

"J'implore ta pitié, Toi, l'unique que j'aime"

Listening to - Guns and Horses, Ellie Goulding.

Of Night Sweats and Nachos

2010-05-25T18:32:00.004+08:00

I don't know how it happened but this morning I felt the way I did two years ago. It felt like a kind of gripping nostalgia mixed in with reluctance and a handful of butterflies-in-the-stomach.
Hmm... Maybe it's because I slept light last night.

I wasn't expecting much but today went good. Things have a tendency of turning out so much brighter at the end of the day when you crowd it with dark clouds in the morning.

"We're no fixtures."

Listening to - Wedding Song, Tracy Chapman. The Leaving Song Pt. 2, A.F.I.

Dearly Departed

2010-05-19T15:05:00.004+08:00

Somehow, I can't grieve. It seems clearer with every death, every loss, that I can't find it in myself to pour over them.

It's not that I don't care, I do. In fact, I try my best to mourn each and every time, to remember what I'd lost. But no matter what I do, I seems, I can't help but to greet loss with a straight face.

Maybe it's because I've never been close to anything or anyone or that I've been prepared every single time...maybe I don't even have a proper concept of loss to begin with.

Whatever it is, I hope, when I do feel grief, it would not be too much for me.

"Praying for pure love, you venerate delusion based in hate."

Listening to - All the Fools Sailed Away, Dio.

Chiko Lost His Wallet

2010-05-12T15:39:00.002+08:00

It makes me smile, how such an incident could be so fluidly played out:

the synchronized switching of seats,
the careful hesitation,
the well-timed glances
and the certainty of a happy ending.

It just goes to show how adorably heart-warming this world can be.

"Such a beautiful mess. Pretend that you're appalled."

Listening to - It was mine, A.F.I.

It's Sunk into Me

2010-05-10T23:29:00.005+08:00

It's frightening how something as innocent or as seemingly insignificant as a childhood fear can grow and evolve.

It starts out as a sole voice warning you. A voice which grows into a thousand voices and then after a while, a long while, either by total harmony or physical conditioning, it becomes something like white noise and you almost stop hearing it.

And it becomes a part of you: it's the only thing you know, the only thing you feel, the only way you want to feel and the only way you react. So, your life,your decisions, your relationships are just a result of this one apparently tiny fear.

And, I don't know about you but it scares the hell out of me.

"Let's leave unsaid what's left unspoken."

Listening to - The Missing Frame, A.F.I.

Red Ribbon

2010-05-05T23:05:00.002+08:00

I feel light.
Oh, so light.

Donating blood wasn't as vividly painful or scary as I'd hoped it would be.
They took every single measure to buffer and censor the process.
So, even though it was blood seeping from my arm, it felt normal, passe.
I don't know if I'll go again. If I do, it will be as a duty instead of a game.

oh

and

I drew a bug-eyed girl while my blood was being drawn.

"I promise you eternal ligature."

Listening to - Medicate, A.F.I.

Hehe...

2010-05-01T16:49:00.003+08:00

You can see me in the video. Well, not exactly me but a printscreen of my Twitter avatar,username and tweet. Haha! Best Day Ever!

"Intrinsically intertwined."

Listening to - Land of Confusion, Disturbed.

Give In?

2010-04-24T00:56:00.004+08:00

Oh, abstain. Focus...it's not a sin.

"We do o'er sugar the devil himself."

Listening to - Mute, Blaqk Audio.

My Intimate is No One

2010-04-22T19:17:00.004+08:00

A classmate of mine thinks it's odd that I don't have a girlfriend.
And that I'm not looking to have one.

It's just that I don't think I'm ready to manage even a half
decent relationship. There's just too many things to deal with
when it comes to that. I just prefer to live in my head.

And also, I value my freedom. More than others do...if I
didn't need to make friends or have siblings and parents,
I would be happy to go without...but I do need these people
and for these lovely motherfuckers, I cede my freedom...
but not for a girlfriend...not if I can help it.

"Dress in my usual: shirt, pants, pretense."

Listening to - ...But Home is Nowhere, A.F.I.

.

repugnant... Really

2010-04-11T06:38:00.003+08:00

I'm always at a loss with 'r's.
It's just that the way it sounds...

Rage...gReat...veRy...angeR...

has this grating effect in my head.

I think it's because I roll my 'r's.
Which has left me with this sound
A sort of sound that rankles and echoes;
a sound scraping my thoughts.

Just thought I'd put this out here.

"Surprise motherfucker!"

Listening to - Not much... just birds chirping... and shit.

This Dawn

2010-04-09T05:45:00.002+08:00

I tired of living this way.

From now on, I'm gonna stop accepting myself for who I am

And start living in denial.

Just like the rest of the world...

"God forbid."

Listening to - Boombox (ft. Julian Casablancas), The Lonely Island.

cough

2010-04-07T23:59:00.003+08:00

This flu is really hitting me hard.

I just wished that more people practiced tact.

Is that right? 'practice tact'...
sounds right but someone let me know if it's wrong.
In the comments section...below. heh :)

"I don't consent to searches."

Listening to - Those Were The Days, Lady Sovereign.

Next Sin's On Me

2010-04-05T21:12:00.003+08:00

I think you all deserve it.

You really do.

'Cause I,

I have

So little to

Lose.

"I displace at my own pace. Don't complain."

Listening to - The Longest Day, Iron Maiden.

Wine

2010-04-05T17:16:00.002+08:00

I feel creepier everyday.

I blame the kids and I blame my routine.
I blame the fact that I have to take the same route everyday.
Making me doubt myself...
fucking middle aged couple with their "surreptitious" whispers.

fucking inconsistencies...

Can't blame the teenagers, they're about as insecure as I am.
Only thing is they deal with it differently.

And also

*looks into a mirror*

Fuck you with your fucking hyper-sensitive state of mind and your over emphasis on emotions and your theories and your needs and your wants and your constant discomfort among people and your endless whining... you need to shut up because I can't hear myself think.

God...this is tiring...

This will only be up for a couple of hours...

Tonight's the Night

2010-04-02T02:47:00.004+08:00

It seems my supply has run out.

I have never wanted something this badly before.

"My addiction's the only thing that makes me get up in the morning."

Speechless

2010-03-28T03:02:00.002+08:00

for the first time in a long time.

As I scramble to punch in words

that those words

deserve.

Oh!

Digging Up Bones

2010-03-14T05:22:00.003+08:00

It's scary how insignificant a memory can become. All my life I've been trying my best to hold on, to remember but I still find myself unable to remember huge chunks of my life.

Right now, I can't remember anything about myself when I was thirteen. Not even bits and pieces of very defining events.

It feels as if I have forsaken my thirteen year old self.

"Again and again, they blend into one."

Listening to - Let the Flames Begin, Paramore.

Would it have been easier?

2010-03-12T00:23:00.003+08:00

Most can't do things because they're told not to. I can't just cause I don't have the means.

God, should have picked up my ass and gone to work instead of going to school. None of what's happening now is making me happy.

"Brother may have been wise."

Listening to -

Of Locked Glass Doors

2010-03-11T17:46:00.003+08:00

You know, I wouldn't mind if I knew this was coming. I made a choice and you made a promise.
No wonder most won't take these things lightly.

I feel like dropping out.

"All alone in space and time, there's nothing here but what is mine." I wish...

Listening to - But It's Better If You Do, P!ATD

These Stark Words

2010-03-10T15:32:00.003+08:00

Ugh, I've been feeling misplaced: unsure about what to express... My every thought gives off this sickening monotone. I think, pretty soon, I'm going to be unable to tell my senses apart.

You know, it would be nice to be able to see sounds as colours. Imagine seeing deep blues and high pitched pinks swirling from mouths like vibrant, luminous smoke.

It'll be like seeing someone's aura.

"Asphyxiate on words I would say."

Listening to - Every You, Every Me, Placebo

Grrrr....

2010-03-09T23:58:00.003+08:00

This uncertainty is killing me. I can't write.

"Why won't you look at me?"

Listening to -

Oh, Nothing.

2010-03-03T01:21:00.005+08:00

Today: I had a 12 dollar kebab for lunch, B&J's ice cream after that and I bought a new phone.

And

None of these things made me feel even the slightest hint of joy or excitement.

Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate getting those things and I'm quite satisfied with my phone. It's just that I didn't feel that fluttery feeling you're supposed to get when getting something new and I find it quite weird.

"Calm, my dear. Perfectly calm."

Listening to - Feel Good Inc. , Gorillaz.

Gray | Grey

2010-02-27T23:39:00.002+08:00

Ah! That made me so bored, I felt empty.

They truly were the masters of monotone.

"My my, you're oh so sly."

Listening to - The Legend of Zelda : A Link to the Past - Unsealed, CarboHydroM( Christophe Blondel )

Phew

2010-02-24T00:59:00.004+08:00

I've been on this train many times before.
Every time I see the same scenes; only certain elements are altered: the weather, the time of day.
I usually assume, for my comfort, that there are others who take this train but I can't be too sure. I've never actually seen them. I think they get on at a different time.
I am never fully aware that I'm on it. I only come to a start at the end of the line.
I'm getting sick and tired of this chain of carts and landscapes: sentiments have no purpose in this shape and form.

Oh, look at them: crying out for revolution with their crayon-drawn posters and their hearts, broken or otherwise, on their sleeves. Such naivety calls for a proper spanking but, personally, I prefer letting them sit in their pool of tears, hand in trembling hand, muttering previously uttered words of freedom, peace and love...until they realise that no two people are ever the same and that the hand they hold will be either too big or too small for them.
Sadly, however, not all will be granted this epiphany.

And remember, floods that follow broken dams don't always make sense.

" "Why so serious?" "Uh, cause you're holding a knife to my throat?" "

Listening to -

24 Hours Spent

2010-02-21T17:27:00.004+08:00

Haha, story of my life.

"Sleep."

Listening to - Ny-quil, A.F.I.

Miseria Cantare

2010-02-15T15:52:00.003+08:00

I'm beginning to understand how some can develop such intense fears.
I only pray that mine won't lead me to take life.

"Because it carves deep."

Listening to - The Great Disappointment, A.F.I.

Venēnum

2010-02-07T02:06:00.002+08:00

Vices of the past will catch up when one slows down.
I've slowed down.
Now I have to hide.

"Are we running towards Death? I have met him; he adores us."

Listening to - Beautiful Thieves, A.F.I.

We'd Be Just Fine

2010-01-28T19:06:00.008+08:00

Try convincing yourself that you're without friends.
It's harder than you think.

"And when she's pressed she will undress."

Listening to - My Sweet Prince, Placebo.

Preconditioned Perceptions

2010-01-26T22:01:00.002+08:00

I heard.
I know.
I felt.
I know less.

"What follows me as the whitest lace of light just begs to be imbrued.
What follows will swallow whole."

Listening to - The Prayer Position, A.F.I.

This is Evil

2010-01-23T00:25:00.004+08:00

I saw the herd
and now I'm seeing with them.
I felt their march
and now I'm part of their thunderous trudge.
I spoke and they heard
and now I hear the wolves approaching.
Strain and listen and you might hear my silent
Moan among the thousands weeping.

"The water feels just right."

Listening to - Fleurs Du Mal, Sarah Brightman.

XLIV

2010-01-19T20:13:00.005+08:00

Oops, I went a week without posting anything here. I don't really like it when that happens. It defeats the purpose of having a blog.

Usually I don't post unless I have something to say. And I don't have much to say most of the time. However, when I do have something to say and finally decide to put it here, it always turns out awkward and stiff. It's as if I was born with the inability to compose sound articles.

I'm quite active on Twitter, though.

"I'll trade what's left, just give me something."

Listening to - Starstrukk, 3OH!3.

XLIII

2010-01-11T20:35:00.004+08:00

Today turned out nicely.

1. I got to try my hand at welding.

2. My head didn't ache after school.

3.

"Warn your warmth to turn away."

Listening to - Love Like Winter, A.F.I.

2009

2010-01-02T22:11:00.002+08:00

My time with her seems short-lived.
It started out fun and very promising.
Then, things went dull and stayed that
way until the last quarter of our time together.
It ended without much note.
I didn't really say goodbye.
There wasn't a need for one.

"Dear heart, how like you this?"

Listening to - End Transmission, A.F.I.

Sun-stung Eyes

2009-12-26T02:15:00.002+08:00

Went out with a bunch of people on the 24th.
Had a nice time, definitely.
The weather was great.

oh

and

I'm starting to like South Park.

"Sky-scraped skyline."

Listening to - Meet Me Halfway, B.E.P.( I know...)

Let's make this work.

2009-12-21T01:19:00.005+08:00

Just the thought of it makes me excited.
All those possibilities; impossibilities.
And the promise of greatness.
Even if it's the kind that shines only in our own light.

"Go kill the lights. We'll glow 'till morning comes."

Listening to - Smile, A.F.I.

6 to Test

2009-12-18T02:29:00.002+08:00

This disharmony between want and need is putting unnecessary strain on me.
I hope this term break will help me.
I guess it's time to
meditate... medicate.
Either way...

"Oh, Despair, you charmer."

Listening to - Halloween(cover), A.F.I.

Fire and Flame Now A Part

2009-12-13T13:51:00.004+08:00

The unease and discomfort caused by events of the past couple of weeks seem to be melting away at my discovery of AFI's b-side tracks.

Sad songs but surprisingly uplifting.

oh

and

I've removed the tagboard so just leave a comment if you'd like to say something.

Now, where's my old handphone charger.

"I'm the devout
Praying just to get the blood
Bound by this flesh I own
I'm the devout
Cutting just to get the blood out
Desecrate until we die alone"

Listening to - Too Late For Gods, A.F.I.

"Have you ever felt that itch?"

2009-12-06T02:53:00.008+08:00

"Which one?"

"The one deep in your wrists.
The one only a razor blade can reach."

Listening to -

Hello.

2009-11-29T22:46:00.002+08:00

Mmm, very delicious combination... Guess what's in the coke... ;D

"I know it turns you off when I get talkin' like a teen."

Listening to - On Directing, Tegan & Sara.

For whom the bell tolls

2009-11-24T17:36:00.006+08:00

A guy who attends lectures with me jumped to his death just the other day. They assume he took the fall in a fit of rage. Among other things, I suppose.

I've hardly acknowledged his existence, much less know him personally.

However, I do admit feeling a tinge of guilt. I mean, the guy ever sat next to me. I had the chance to talk to him and maybe show him a less drastic catharsis.

Whatever it was he wanted to achieve with this, no one may ever know for certain. I am certain, however, that it was meant to be of great impact, and this is its impact on me.

So, through this post, as both catharsis for me and eulogy for him, I pray his purpose doesn't go unheard.

In memoriam...

"We're off to the witch. We may never come home."

Listening to - The Days of the Phoenix, A.F.I.

Okay, I feel better now.

2009-11-21T12:39:00.004+08:00

I've been feeling sappy of late.
I've been listening to this song.

This song speaks of a selfish lover who, driven by their adolescent need for attention, gets caught in a cycle of bad relationships. In the end, however, they realize this and decide that they "need to be taken down" to stop the pain they cause to their lovers and themselves.

Lyrics

"Just nineteen and suckers dream."

Stream-like Seams

2009-11-15T16:49:00.005+08:00

Sent my sister off at the airport last night.
Hope she enjoys herself thoroughly.

Listening to - But It's Better If You Do, Panic! at the Disco.

This song takes me back to when I was her age.

" I dream of dreams that never last
like souls of loved ones that have passed. "

Of voices from behind.

2009-11-12T22:33:00.004+08:00

I've been brandishing my hair as a king would a crown but it seems that I've been sending the wrong message.

You see, my hair is, in nature, very guarded. It is because of this, it is unwilling to share with the world. So, instead of appearing delicate and obedient, as one would expect with the kind of care I give it, it shows coarseness and rebelliousness.

Now, people see this and take it as a mark of my generally being unclean.
I don't mind.
They don't know any better.
And I don't expect them to.

"Do you have to?"

Listening to - Linger, The Cranberries.

Saturday's Morning

2009-11-07T10:50:00.004+08:00

I have been having really strong urges to eat these past week. These urges get so strong that even my cigarettes can't help curb them. Only food seems to suffice. It's getting disturbing, really.

On another note, Farah's latest blog post reminded me that I have not had a proper cup of coffee for a long time. I think I'll head over to Fullerton's Starbucks tomorrow morning and get myself an americano or a nice cup of whatever they have brewing. Yes, that would be nice.

Well, 'till next time. :D

"No nestling place is left in bluebell bloom."

Listening to - All I wanted, Paramore.

Flesh.

2009-11-05T16:01:00.006+08:00

Oh, how I love their expressions when they find out
how it actually
tastes like.
Hilarious.

"I've taken to speaking words only they know."

Listening to - Strength through wounding, A.F.I.

Snuff...

2009-11-03T20:57:00.006+08:00

" 'Do you fall too?'
'Yes, I fall. Every time that I try to pacify.' "

The speed at which the days pass these days makes me nauseous.

Listening to -36 degrees, Placebo

Let it roll.

2009-10-29T21:21:00.005+08:00

I've been having a string of breezy days.
It feels good. ahhh...
However, I must be cautious, lest the chain breaks.

Oh

and

I can't get over how adorable Farah looks in her latest msn picture. :D

"Hooked on a star, enraptured by the sky."

Listening to - FRGT/10, Linkin Park.

I feel see-through.

2009-10-26T21:38:00.003+08:00

I just had a good day. A good day after a good weekend.
I'm feeling light. As light as a new snow.
Saw so many Ravens. And one, I know I won't forget.
Whoa.

"We burned both ends and asked for less."

Listening to - Fear of Being Found, Blaqk Audio.

It is, it is.

2009-10-24T11:39:00.003+08:00

I remember listening to this song when I was three.
I would ask my mom to play it on the cassette player just so I could sing along to it.
I loved this song. It was one of my favorite songs...
I still do and it still is.

"A no smoking-sign on your cigarette break."

Listening to - Ironic, Alanis Morissette.

Blah

2009-10-15T01:12:00.004+08:00

We all have dreams. It shows in our perfectly posed pictures. Every smile, every stance, is a reminder, to ourselves, of our desires.

Like little post-it notes left by a three year old.

Not wrong, just overdone.

Oh well,

Welcome to this century.

Everything and everyone's jaded.

"J'implore ta pitié, Toi, l'unique que j'aime,"

Listening to - End of me, Marion Raven.

Was here before...

2009-10-10T08:41:00.003+08:00

It's a special day today. It's our anniversary.

Four years ago, we met. Four years since I first set my glittery eyes on you.

Enamored, I was. Enthralled, definitely.

Yes guys, I'm talking about my beat-up old Nokia Thirty-two Thirty. :D

Oh

and

'Tis Afina's birthday today as well.
She's the adorable little creature there in the header photo.
So, if you're reading this, I would like to wish you a Happ- ...no, Awesome Birthday.
Sincerely,
Nazrul

"They Flee from Me

They flee from me that sometimes did me seek
With naked foot stalking in my chamber
I have seen them gentle tame and meek
That now are wild and do not remember
That sometime they put themselves in danger
To take bread at my hand; and now they range
Buisly seeking with a continual change.

Thanked be fortune, it hath been otherwise
Twenty times better; but once in special
In thin array after a pleasant guise,
When her loose gown from her shoulders did fall,
And she caught in her arms long and small;
And therewithal sweetly did me kiss,
And softly said, Dear heart, how like you this?

It was no dream, I lay broad waking.
But all is turned through my gentleness
Into a strange fashion of forsaking;
And I have leave to go of her goodness
And she also to use newfangleness.
But since that I so kindly am served.
I would fain know what she hath deserved. "

-Sir Thomas Wyatt

Listening to - Tsumi, High and Mighty Colour.

12:21

2009-10-08T19:27:00.006+08:00

I got a call late last night.
A girl's voice on the other end
sweetly said, "I'm going to sleep now."

And I answered,

"I think you got the wrong number."

*click*

Part 1... <3

2009-10-03T02:39:00.001+08:00

Crash Love is wonderful. It's everything I'd ever hope for in an A.F.I album. Excellent arrangements, magnificent melodies and oh so lovely lyrics.

Got a copy of the album on Thursday. Not mine, the family's. With Mom being the sponsor and my brother, the runner.

The album itself looks absolutely delightful.

If you have the time, check out the album.

"Now am I so enthralled that I might die?
I saw you sweetly smile and say, 'Do try.' "

Listening to - The Con, Tegan and Sara.

Part 2... -_-

2009-10-03T02:37:00.001+08:00

Saw several familiar faces yesterday.
Wanted to say 'Hi.' or smile but didn't,
Couldn't. I must really try.
Try to be warmer.

"I died right when I saw you while you shared that cigarette."

Listening to - Too shy to scream, A.F.I.

Part 3... :D

2009-10-03T02:35:00.002+08:00

I would like to take a moment to give thanks and honorable mention to a few people.

Norashikin Khairon - For the gifts in the recent days and for the role you so skillfully play. :D

Khalid - For the D string.

Have I left out anybody?
Umm...

Oh!

and

Adam Zul, Nur Farah Khaizuran, Nur Hidayat - For your audience. :)

"Can't you see they turn blind eyes to us swift and spotlit strangers?"

Listening to - Beautiful Thieves, A.F.I.

Nok-tern-uhl

2009-09-30T04:22:00.003+08:00

Of late, I've been unable to go to sleep at night... I'm falling asleep at nine in the morning and waking up in the afternoon. It's annoying, really.

I prefer getting up bright and early.
That way I can have breakfast. I like having breakfast.
At Breeks. Macdonalds. Some coffeeshop.
Then, I have the rest of the day to spend, in whatever way I see fit.
Read at a cafe. Watch a movie. Lepak.

The point is, I really do enjoy making full use of my day.
And I, in no way, condone my current lifestyle.
But I can't help it...

oh

and

I got another birthday present. :D

"Blah.Banal.Bored."

Listening to - Post Blue, Placebo.

Crash! Love...

2009-09-26T02:35:00.006+08:00

Our need for affection runs deep. That much is clear.
But how much of what we share with one another is sincere?
I mean, just look around. On T.V, social sites, car parks and staircases
I see lovebirds singing their over influenced, insincere and verbose verses.
They flaunt what they do not understand.
I, too, do not understand.

oh

and

No, I'm not talking about you.

"Can you feel this? Does it sting? I feel nothing... "

Listening to - Darling, I Want to Destroy You, A.F.I.

Crash <3

2009-09-24T01:10:00.003+08:00

" Pull the top down, use your knees to drive.
I'll make it worth your while just let me taste the sky.
You pressed your mouth on mine and fed me a star.
And said, 'We never can truly know who we are.' "

oh

and

I just got my birthday present. :D

Listening to - Veronica Sawyer Smokes, A.F.I.

Happy... Selamat... Whatever...

2009-09-21T01:47:00.007+08:00

Today was uneventful.
PHEW.

"Eat. Sin. Repeat."

Listening to - Reiver's music, A.F.I.

The Last Sahur

2009-09-19T05:03:00.003+08:00

Well, last sahur for this year at least.

Time to rewind my body clock.

"And what I am is a man in a mask."

Listening to - Medicate, A.F.I.

Of lap-lips and wry smiles

2009-09-17T05:56:00.004+08:00

Ramadan ends, reluctance ensues.

The coming of dusk, these days, makes my heart feel heavy. Weighed down with dread and a fistful of yearning, I trudge through the twilight towards a meal that so innocently fails to fill me.

"Come to me, my one and only.
Silence."

Listening to - The Days of the Phoenix, A.F.I.

Fucking Sweet Indeed

2009-09-11T01:27:00.007+08:00

Wow, the last few days were wonderful. I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

And to all whom I spent my time with,

Thank you.

"Both we and our words are overproduced by influence."

Listening to - Act Appalled, Circa Survive.

See you there.

2009-09-07T06:05:00.005+08:00

Natalie Dormer is delightfully delectable.

I'm sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.

And I would also like to apologize for the very quiet week. It's not because I'm too busy to put up posts, it's just that, of late, my mind hasn't been churning out post-worthy opinions and/or thoughts. I hope you understand.

Anyway, I'm going to be spending some time with my friends over the next few days. Looking forward to late-night conversations, accompanied by cool night air, coffee and cigarettes. It's going to be Fucking Sweet.

P.S Check out this interview of Natalie Dormer and tell me you're not charmed by this adorable creature.

"Cotton Candy Cacophony."

Listening to - Menunggumu, Peterpan feat Chrisye

My Ramadan

2009-08-30T15:11:00.003+08:00

"Isolation is the oxygen mask."
Yet, I feel uneasy seeing the world only through pixels and bytes.
Is it because I feel I'm missing out?
no, that's not it...
Or is it because I feel restless? Do I even feel restless?
no, that's not it either...
Maybe I just miss the physical act of walking.
yeah, that sounds more like it.
Either way, I'll be going back to my previous school tomorrow.

"There is nothing ideal about Aidilfitri."

Listening to - Mute, Blaqk Audio

So...

2009-08-25T16:08:00.004+08:00

Solitude is best served in slivers, unlike pies and cakes. Those are supposed to be taken in the form of large slices.

Hey readers, how was today for you guys?Ineedandwantyousobad.

"Because of cash in the purse
guns blast in the hearse."

Listening to - Haunted, Disturbed

Sigh...

2009-08-25T00:41:00.003+08:00

Consider this my dedication to the couples I know.

This song reminds me of four Ramadans ago, of a time when I dreamt and felt. Oh, what I'd give to be thirteen again.Had lighter lungs back then.

I also got my Nokia 3230 around that time (10th Oct). My beloved handphone, my semi-spoiled handphone, my getting ever obsolete handphone.

"I'm medicated... How are you?"

Listening to - Special Needs, Placebo.

"Of greetings and goodbyes"

2009-08-22T12:21:00.004+08:00

What better way to begin the month than to plunge into deep depression. Mechanics is
next, yay...

Saw that girl in black again and thought to myself, "I'd tap that."

Guess what? I got a new wristwatch. The last wristwatch I remember having broke 5
years ago and I'm really liking this new one.

"Am I beautiful? Am I usable?"

Listening to - From yesterday, Thirty Seconds to Mars

Afi..

2009-08-16T18:00:00.005+08:00

Forgive the title, I was just reminded of a certain date. I'll get back to that later.

I just got to watching Watchmen and Speed Racer yesterday. Loved both movies! Praise to Zack Snyder and the Wachowski Brothers for their awesome direction.

As for the date mentioned above, I'm talking about the release date for afi's new album, Crash Love, which falls on 29.9.09. Paramore is also releasing their 'brand new eyes' on the same day.

Mmm...

"The love, the years, I yearn to give,
seems to go only unnoticed and unreceived."

Listening to - Welcome Home, Coheed and Cambria.

Caution! Wet floor.

2009-08-14T21:01:00.006+08:00

I managed to catch the virgin drops of rain today. It has been ages since I felt it. Cool and moist.

Simply delightful. It made the day seem that much brighter.

Wet weather always appeals to me because it's the only time when Sun is not the star of the show. The heavy overcast blocking his smug face from rudely forcing attention from everyone. It so obviously shows how much he thought the world revolved around him.

"I imbue myself with frigid air
to appease those warm souls with abandoned care."

Listening to - On a Friday, Blaqk Audio

Broadway Metal

2009-08-14T00:16:00.004+08:00

I love the way he does the "oo ah ah ah ah".

"If imitation is the best form of flattery,
my girlfriend would be jealous at how much you've flattered me."

Listening to - Down with the Sickness(cover), Richard Cheese.

When's day.

2009-08-12T17:57:00.003+08:00

The day started out with a routine game of hide-and-seek with the Sun. I won, of course, thanks to Brick Wall but these daily matches are starting to bore me. It's like playing the same song on GH in easy mode every morning for four months.

Guess what else I saw at the bus stop this morning? A black clad chick.

"Raise my eyes up to the light in hopes of finding healing. No relief was mine, I was burnt by the Sun."

Listening to - Battle for the Sun, Placebo.

It's been a while.

2009-08-11T22:16:00.003+08:00

Just heard 'Lost boys' by The 69 eyes on Adam's blog. I found their music rather entertaining, not bad at all.

2008-10-19T10:14:00.000+08:00

Lay down tinder
Dry leaves, twigs and branches
The day's fire

Spark, ignite and burst
into flames; tinder smokes
All just as planned

Skin's singed, sizzles
pop, charred; smell of burned flesh
DUMB ARSONIST

Notes:This was written at Rokidol during one of their squabbles. I cannot remember what it was about but guessing from this poem, one from our side fell into his own trap. That's basically what this one is about, mischievious deeds backfiring on the mischief. Here, it is an arsonist getting burned during his endeavour. I tried my best to keep it within the boudaries of a haiku( just trying out the style). Tell me what you think. Comment, insult, critic. Thank you for your audience.

2008-10-18T23:40:00.000+08:00

I was walking past a feild when I noticed the morning dew.
The way it sparkled in the sunlight reminded me of you,
because your eyes sparkle in the sunlight too.
So I send you this message in hopes you'll send one to me,
because I know in my heart that there's a chance we'll forever be.

Notes: This was written sometime in 2007, in a sudden brust of inspiration. Well, not so much a burst as a spark. I wrote it just because the words just seemed to fall in place. I used only simple rhymes so I wouldn't say that it's my best work but it's the earliest recorded one.